I've Been Yearning

[thisisgroundcontrol]

[Not completely SFW]



Robert couldn't break his thoughts as he sat in his room alone staring out the window. The hotel was quiet. Tom had taken the bands to their concerts in the limo because Robert needed time to think. That was two days ago and they were all away in San Francisco. The excuse had been to spend time with Rekker who, like Robert, didn't want company right now. His mind was a whirlwind of conflicting thoughts. Some raised terror and panic in his chest until he couldn't breath from the crushing weight. Others were taking h is breath for different reasons and raced like electricity through his whole body, tingling in all the right places. He had a glass of wine in hand with the stem pressing into his thigh as he rhythmically tapped the side with a finger. He felt aggitated and nothing was settling him down.


He looked to the time on the clock and then the door and back to the clock with a heavy sigh. He wanted them to comeback and wanted them to stay away indefinitely. Bloody hell it was madness. He emptied the wine glass in one gulp and thought about refilling it but that would mean a trip to the kitchenette. He was too anxious to stand up and do anything. Too anxious to sit still, too, though he remained rooted in the chair.


The sun was going down and the lights coming on in the city. It filled his mind with memories that sent shivers down his spine, calloused hands working the tension out of his back and hips rocking against his waist. The morning waking to warm touch and need for someone he'd spent weeks trying to hold at arms length. Robert stood to get another glass of wine, wondering what the hell he was doing with a man half his age? He took the wine out of the refridgerator and even it had memories attached to it. He set the bottle down on the counter to stare at it. Sighing he picked it up and poured a glass before returning it to the rack. Rubbing his face, he pushed his fingers through his curls, working them through his tangled hair before picking up the glass.


Half way across the room there were voices in the hall, muffled, that sent such strong shivers through his body that his hand trembled. The wine glass nearly went to the floor as he listened to them move past his door and down the hall. He felt jumpy inside as he sat down on the couch again. He could smell Erik in the furniture and in his bed. No amount of room service had been capable of removing it completely and it hung around him causing his breath to refuse normalcy.


He was dreaming about him, or rather day dreaming about the fingers in his hair, pulling purred sounds from him as they worked the tension out of his scalp. Erik was under his skin and Robert didn't like it. It was too fast, too much for his unsorted thoughts and feelings. And he was addicted. Robert had fought actual addiction to pills and booze and all that came with it that left your head swimming and unable to focus on anything else. This felt the same and he wanted to chase the high. The high that let him forget his anxiety and depression. He forgot everything but the feeling of their skin and their bodies the moment Erik touched him, even when it wasn't sexual.


Sipping the wine he saw his phone on the table. It let his mind run away with fantasies. Maybe he could call. Erik wasn't playing, just hanging around. He could send a cab and get him back here in five hours. That got a sigh because that was too long to even consider. They could be kissing faster if he took Tom's car and picked him up at the venue. Robert gasped aloud and then pressed his forehead into his hand to try and avoid the fantasies that crashed in on him after imagining how he could get the young guitarist back here, back in his presence. Hands in his hair, the weight in his lap, and the lips across his collar bones. He set the glass aside and let his hand drift to the inside of his thigh, across the tight fabric of his pants. Thoughts jumped to the morning in the kitchenette with the Swede pressed to his back, reaching around with his fingers delving low.


He still held his head against the madness like a migraine that wouldn't quit, the thoughts permiated his mind, drove his hand to stroke his manhood roughly through his jeans. His mind went wild with thoughts of Erik in his lap, stradling him and grinding down on his body. His hand pressing harder to his body to try and recreate the feeling of that weight and lewd humping. Everything responded to those thoughts immediately; breath quickening and cock hard, ready for someone who wasn't even in the same city right now. The Brit could only laugh as he remembered being a teenage boy with feelings like these. Years had passed since he felt anything even close to this sensation.


There was no stopping the desire to roughly rub himself and push his hips into his hands, both now shoved between his spread legs as he sat on the couch. He wanted the Swede so bad he froze and sat up, flushed red in the cheeks and across his chest. Nothing was filling in for the young man and at the same time the emotions rushed back of feeling like he was robbing the cradle. Erik was old enough to be in a relationship but the age difference hit hard. He'd pay to have the young man here.


At those thoughts he gave up. Grabbing his phone he was intent on sending a text to Erik but what to say. He kept typing and erasing things that felt foolishly desperate. After more tries than he cared to count Robert dropped the phone on the couch beside him and picked up his wine glass, quickly sipping down the whole glass. His fingers drumming wildly on the arm of the couch. The questioning of his own behavior came back tenfold. What was he doing obsessing over a young rockstar? The driver laughed at himself as he thought maybe this is what a teenage girl felt like in the crowd. All wound up and nothing to do, questioning themselves about what they felt at every turn. He glanced at his phone wondering what a teenage girl would text their rockstar infatuated crush if they could. The only possible response to his train of thought was laughter so intense his cheeks burned. This was beyond crazy.


Giggling fit undercontrol and wine glass drained, he set the stemware on the table and picked the phone back up. It was still open to the messanger, cursor flashing impatiently as he stared. He pushed his curls back, holding them out of the way while his eyes glazed over and focused again. All the messages before were innocuous. Asks for rides or if he'd seen someone or another, questions about concert times. Robert carried the phone and the glass back to the kitchenette, gawking at the screen the whole way and all through pouring another glass of wine. He turned to lean on the counter; wine in one hand and phone in the other. He sipped more wine and could feel the heat from getting drunk. It drew his gaze to the bottle to see he had nearly emptied it in the past hour, maybe less. Sighing he set his glass down and wiped his damp hand on his pant leg before trying to type. His fingers hesitated and then he typed, hitting send before he had time to second guess himself. The message wasn't lewd or demanding. It was simple and honest.


I miss you.


Robert shoved the phone in his back pocket then walked out to open the balcony door. He stepped out with his wine glass while watching the the cars and city on the move but his whole presence was tense, waiting for the buzz of some response. His heart was racing, pounding painfully, while he accepted his admittance of affections he had just sent out to the Swede. Panic rose and fell in tides. First worrying about his own feelings and then imagining that Erik wouldn't want to hear it or that it sounded clingy or strange. Peering at the wine glass in his hand he understood the punks wanting to throw and smash everything. It takes willpower not to chuck the wine glass off the balcony with all of his strength. He set it down on the outside table, still leaning on the rail and scrutinizing the people on the street below. How he wished for and despised the idea that one of the people walking into the hotel lobby below might be the Swedish guitarist who had infested his thoughts all evening.

Comments

[thisisgroundcontrol]

Robert needed this kind of reassuring. Maybe more than others did because of his own misgivings. Either way it was good to hear.

I thought you were coming back to England with me?

Not that he minded either way. He just liked to plan

[rockandroll_swede]

Oh---well, yes. I mean after we visit your cottage. It sounds sweet.

Erik was drunk and not thinking properly. They had discussed about visiting England, hadn't they? The Swede wanting to visit Robert in his cottage where they could spend some quality alone time together bonding and getting to know each other even more. It sounded romantic too.

It sounds romantic staying with you in your cottage.

Looking out the window, Erik began thinking about what it would be like to visit England and to actually live with Robert in his cottage. His heart skipped a beat.

[thisisgroundcontrol]

Robert liked the idea if sharing his seclusion, on his terms. A few weeks visiting in the fall would be nice.

Rekker says I live like an old hermit witch.

He knew part of it was his brother teasing and some of it was nearly the truth.

[rockandroll_swede]

An old hermit witch? You are more like a handsome wizard or one of the old wise men from my tribe. I'd love to see you in a robe walking about bare foot. If you are a witch then can I ride your broomstick?

The last comment causing the Swede to giggle because it was hard to resist. Even though he had hours to go, Robert felt so close right now. Maybe it was because he was imagining the handsome smile the man gave off every time he was happy. That boyish expression he had and that lantern jaw. Erik loved it all.

It will be an honour to stay with you, Robert.

[thisisgroundcontrol]

Robert started laughing as he sat out on the balcony. There was something liberating about talking to Erik without the option of physical contact. It was hard to place but it felt good.

From experience, you can't stay off my broomstick.

Robert couldn't resist, especially drunk. It was flirting but without pressure and it brought comfort. Maybe they should do this routinely for his sanity? It was a thought.

I've never had anyone but family at the cottage.

Tom had been there but the man was practically family.

[rockandroll_swede]

If Erik could hear Robert laughing now he'd smile and find it adorable as he often did when hearing the Brit laugh. There was something about that smile and how the driver's expression lit up when he was happy or amused. Erik had observed this when sat in the passenger seat admiring his fluffy Brit.

I never want to get off. Then, I am privileged indeed. Do you have a nice garden?

The Swede loved the outdoors and loved getting his hands dirty with the soil and gardening. Building and making things interested Erik too unlike Hunter who didn't like dirtying his hands at all. Running a hand through his hair once more, the Swede smile to himself.

We could spend the whole time in bed cuddling, fucking and making each other feel good.

[thisisgroundcontrol]

I have several acres of garden and pastures. I told you I have horses and goats?

Robert could nearly live off the land for parts of the year which had been his intention. Hearing what Ziggy said about the world only increased that desire.

Having a garden means you have to get out of bed and take care of it. I don't live much like a rockstar when I'm home.

[rockandroll_swede]

That sounds wonderful. Yes, I believe you did tell me on that long drive.

Erik's mind was totally fixed on Robert that whole time as his body craved touch from the older man. Robert's cottage and land sounded peaceful and a far cry away from the chaos of the rockstar world.

It's been a while since I've been away from show business. But, once I am at your cottage I am sure I can offer you help. I want to help and be useful to you, Robert. Not just a lazy, drunk Swedish rockstar.

That got another giggle out of the guitarist.

[thisisgroundcontrol]

Robert was looking forward to going home and relaxing in his own home again. The constant moving wasn't his preferred way of living.

You mean you're more than a drunk rockstar?

Robert was teasing and sent another message quickly. I like to relax too but there's work. I've never had anyone help me at the cottage.

[rockandroll_swede]

Of course I am more than a drunk rockstar you cheeky man.

Erik just smiled as he typed on his phone, enjoying their banter together. At least this would help break up the monotonous journey he was taking. The sooner he could get to his Brit the better.

I used to work in the village with my elders. Then, can I help? My fingers are skilled outside as well as on a guitar or holding a paintbrush.

[thisisgroundcontrol]

Robert was enjoying the disengaged conversation, relaxing on the balcony with a glass of wine.

You'll learn. I've been messing about with wood carving recently but I haven't done any since the tour started.

[rockandroll_swede]

Unlike Robert, Erik didn't have any drink to swallow so he would have to wait until he got to the hotel before having anymore booze. By now his brother would be completely smashed as well as Joe and Aarne back at the hotel he just left. Erik was just wanting te journey to be over so he could be in the arms of the man he loved.

I will learn with you. Wood carving? Oh, that sounds wonderful. Perhaps I could have a go? It's a bit different from my usual art but I'm quite skilled with my fingers.

A dirty smile plastered the younger man's lips at the remark.

[thisisgroundcontrol]

Robert was watching the last hint of sun disappear and the sky would be black if it wasn't for all the lights of the city. It was pretty but he missed the stars he could see back home.

I've spent a lot of my retirement learning skills I didn't have time for before. You're a painter?

Robert thought he remembered someone mentioning that about the young guitarist. Something this one shared with Rik and Robert found himself wondering briefly what the connection might be between being a guitarist and a painter. The laughter derails his thoughts on the serious subject though.

Not as skilled as I am.

[rockandroll_swede]

Yes, I'm an artist as well as a guitarist. I sketch and paint mostly but have been known to carve and delve into other things too.

Did this interest the Brit? Erik's heart was fluttering at the image of Robert sat naked on the bed while he was being painted by the Swede. Would this happen one day? He hoped so. He continued to type whilst gazing out of the taxi window now and then as the scenery changed once again.

I love those skilled fingers of yours. Mine are for a brush and guitar.

A small giggle and Erik's mind was delving into the gutter once more.

[thisisgroundcontrol]

I'd like to see some of your paintings.

The fluttering in his heart had him thinking of maybe taking a painting back to his cottage. Robert, as a realist, knew that Erik would eventually find his own band and they would be away from each other for a vast majority of the time. Erik on one tour and Robert on another. He didn't want to think about that too much because he was already having enough emotional issues.

Hair brush? Robert couldn't help the tease and laughter about all the time Erik spent running his hands through his hair.

[rockandroll_swede]

I would love to show you some of them. My sketches are back in my hotel room in my book if you are interested in those too. Charcoal and graphite stick I use for those.

He had some he had done of Robert even though he had shown no one else. Not even Aarne had seen them because they were private and special to him. Mostly ones of Robert's face and hair.

Hair brush and paint brush? You know how much you love me touching your hair. I want to now. It makes me ache.

[thisisgroundcontrol]

I don't do artistic drawings but I do landscape drawings.

Sharing art felt good, the kind of closeness Robert craved more than the physical sometimes. Sharing his life was what he wanted with someone, sure part of that was physical but a much smaller part than it felt was the norm for everyone around him.

I haven't brushed it yet. Should I wait?

He wouldn't mind the Swede coming in, getting comfortable with a drink and joining him out on the balcony to brush his hair. It sounded like perfection. The closeness he craved and then after they could head to bed and indulge the closeness that he knew Erik craved. He's slowly working into a balance in the relationship that is developing. He still feels flighty and the desire to hold the Swede at arms length or lock him out entirely but those feelings are happening less often now, though they still do.

[rockandroll_swede]

Landscapes? I would love to see your work, Robert. One artist to another.

Erik felt a flutter inside at the fact that he and Robert were bonding more over similar things they were interested in. The sex was good but there had to be more between two people and this was a start. The Swede wanted to spend more time with the Brit, being close and bonding with him.

Please, sweetie. I want to brush it for you. Five hours is like torture.

He sat back in his seat and wondered where he was now. Somewhere in LA. The place was sprawling and huge. All the lights were now on since it was getting dark outside. What was the time even? Erik had lost track due to drinking and getting high with his brother.

[thisisgroundcontrol]

For the new gardens.

The idea of sitting out here and sharing these things had Robert sighing and feeling happier about the situation than he had before. The speed of the relationship, the pushing and the age difference.. as well as approach to relationship differences had made things very rocky, still did sometimes.

It's less than 5 now.

How much less he couldn't say because the clock was out of sight. Just as well since he might start pacing if he fretted over the time.

[rockandroll_swede]

New gardens? Oh, I must see these. I'm curious about your gardens back home in the UK.

The Swede was genuinely curious about the man outside of the limo so to speak. What he did back home in the UK when he wasn't driving crazy rock stars around all the time. Erik just sighing at the thought of spending time with the man he loved inside beautiful gardens.

Less than five hours yet I want to touch you. My pants are still tight.

Was it after ten? Who knew.

[thisisgroundcontrol]

I might have some pictures.

He thought maybe there were a few around. There was plenty of time to look around before the Swede arrived. Robert still wasn't thinking too much about future activities with Erik. He simply moved slower.

That's why I took mine off. How far out are you?

[rockandroll_swede]

I would love to see them. As for pictures of my homeland I might have some in my guitar case.

Erik often carried pictures of his homeland around with him when travelling with bands or on tour. It helped ground him when times got crazy and helped him remember his home when he was thousands of miles away.

It's hard to tell. Not long now. The driver has been good so far taking shortcuts and travelling at a good speed. Shouldn't be long now, sweetie.

All the Swede could picture now was Robert without any pants on and it was making his own skinny jeans even tighter.

[thisisgroundcontrol]

I'll look.

There's a long pause while Robert looks around in his suitcase for pictures of home and then wanders off to get something to eat. Too much booze was making him a little queasy on an empty stomach. He forgot about the phone for awhile but eventually comes back.

Sorry, I needed to make food. You should be getting close now.

He still forgot to look at the clock to see how long it had been since they started texting.

[rockandroll_swede]

I shall wait to see what you will show me.

Erik noticed the long pause while Robert was off the phone. Maybe he had dozed off? It must be well past midnight now and the early hours of the morning were upon them. A cop car flew past the taxi with full sirens on. That sight reminded Erik of the crazy punks who often got in trouble with the law according to what Hunter had told his brother. Then just as the Swede was beginning to drop off himself his phone vibrated on his leg.

It's ok. I nearly dropped off just now. Food? I haven't eaten since before I left for the club hours ago. My brother kept refilling my glass. He's a devious bitch you know. It should be a few minutes now.

The excitement welling up inside the guitarist knowing he'd reach Robert's hotel soon.

[thisisgroundcontrol]

How close are you? I can cook something.

Robert was drinking tea now to sober up a little. He wasn't sure how long Erik was going to want to stay up after getting in. This would also prevent the nasty hangover he had last time he drank this much.