thisisgroundcontrol | I've Been Yearning

[Not completely SFW]

Robert couldn't break his thoughts as he sat in his room alone staring out the window. The hotel was quiet. Tom had taken the bands to their concerts in the limo because Robert needed time to think. That was two days ago and they were all away in San Francisco. The excuse had been to spend time with Rekker who, like Robert, didn't want company right now. His mind was a whirlwind of conflicting thoughts. Some raised terror and panic in his chest until he couldn't breath from the crushing weight. Others were taking h is breath for different reasons and raced like electricity through his whole body, tingling in all the right places. He had a glass of wine in hand with the stem pressing into his thigh as he rhythmically tapped the side with a finger. He felt aggitated and nothing was settling him down.

He looked to the time on the clock and then the door and back to the clock with a heavy sigh. He wanted them to comeback and wanted them to stay away indefinitely. Bloody hell it was madness. He emptied the wine glass in one gulp and thought about refilling it but that would mean a trip to the kitchenette. He was too anxious to stand up and do anything. Too anxious to sit still, too, though he remained rooted in the chair.

The sun was going down and the lights coming on in the city. It filled his mind with memories that sent shivers down his spine, calloused hands working the tension out of his back and hips rocking against his waist. The morning waking to warm touch and need for someone he'd spent weeks trying to hold at arms length. Robert stood to get another glass of wine, wondering what the hell he was doing with a man half his age? He took the wine out of the refridgerator and even it had memories attached to it. He set the bottle down on the counter to stare at it. Sighing he picked it up and poured a glass before returning it to the rack. Rubbing his face, he pushed his fingers through his curls, working them through his tangled hair before picking up the glass.

Half way across the room there were voices in the hall, muffled, that sent such strong shivers through his body that his hand trembled. The wine glass nearly went to the floor as he listened to them move past his door and down the hall. He felt jumpy inside as he sat down on the couch again. He could smell Erik in the furniture and in his bed. No amount of room service had been capable of removing it completely and it hung around him causing his breath to refuse normalcy.

He was dreaming about him, or rather day dreaming about the fingers in his hair, pulling purred sounds from him as they worked the tension out of his scalp. Erik was under his skin and Robert didn't like it. It was too fast, too much for his unsorted thoughts and feelings. And he was addicted. Robert had fought actual addiction to pills and booze and all that came with it that left your head swimming and unable to focus on anything else. This felt the same and he wanted to chase the high. The high that let him forget his anxiety and depression. He forgot everything but the feeling of their skin and their bodies the moment Erik touched him, even when it wasn't sexual.

Sipping the wine he saw his phone on the table. It let his mind run away with fantasies. Maybe he could call. Erik wasn't playing, just hanging around. He could send a cab and get him back here in five hours. That got a sigh because that was too long to even consider. They could be kissing faster if he took Tom's car and picked him up at the venue. Robert gasped aloud and then pressed his forehead into his hand to try and avoid the fantasies that crashed in on him after imagining how he could get the young guitarist back here, back in his presence. Hands in his hair, the weight in his lap, and the lips across his collar bones. He set the glass aside and let his hand drift to the inside of his thigh, across the tight fabric of his pants. Thoughts jumped to the morning in the kitchenette with the Swede pressed to his back, reaching around with his fingers delving low.

He still held his head against the madness like a migraine that wouldn't quit, the thoughts permiated his mind, drove his hand to stroke his manhood roughly through his jeans. His mind went wild with thoughts of Erik in his lap, stradling him and grinding down on his body. His hand pressing harder to his body to try and recreate the feeling of that weight and lewd humping. Everything responded to those thoughts immediately; breath quickening and cock hard, ready for someone who wasn't even in the same city right now. The Brit could only laugh as he remembered being a teenage boy with feelings like these. Years had passed since he felt anything even close to this sensation.

There was no stopping the desire to roughly rub himself and push his hips into his hands, both now shoved between his spread legs as he sat on the couch. He wanted the Swede so bad he froze and sat up, flushed red in the cheeks and across his chest. Nothing was filling in for the young man and at the same time the emotions rushed back of feeling like he was robbing the cradle. Erik was old enough to be in a relationship but the age difference hit hard. He'd pay to have the young man here.

At those thoughts he gave up. Grabbing his phone he was intent on sending a text to Erik but what to say. He kept typing and erasing things that felt foolishly desperate. After more tries than he cared to count Robert dropped the phone on the couch beside him and picked up his wine glass, quickly sipping down the whole glass. His fingers drumming wildly on the arm of the couch. The questioning of his own behavior came back tenfold. What was he doing obsessing over a young rockstar? The driver laughed at himself as he thought maybe this is what a teenage girl felt like in the crowd. All wound up and nothing to do, questioning themselves about what they felt at every turn. He glanced at his phone wondering what a teenage girl would text their rockstar infatuated crush if they could. The only possible response to his train of thought was laughter so intense his cheeks burned. This was beyond crazy.

Giggling fit undercontrol and wine glass drained, he set the stemware on the table and picked the phone back up. It was still open to the messanger, cursor flashing impatiently as he stared. He pushed his curls back, holding them out of the way while his eyes glazed over and focused again. All the messages before were innocuous. Asks for rides or if he'd seen someone or another, questions about concert times. Robert carried the phone and the glass back to the kitchenette, gawking at the screen the whole way and all through pouring another glass of wine. He turned to lean on the counter; wine in one hand and phone in the other. He sipped more wine and could feel the heat from getting drunk. It drew his gaze to the bottle to see he had nearly emptied it in the past hour, maybe less. Sighing he set his glass down and wiped his damp hand on his pant leg before trying to type. His fingers hesitated and then he typed, hitting send before he had time to second guess himself. The message wasn't lewd or demanding. It was simple and honest.

I miss you.

Robert shoved the phone in his back pocket then walked out to open the balcony door. He stepped out with his wine glass while watching the the cars and city on the move but his whole presence was tense, waiting for the buzz of some response. His heart was racing, pounding painfully, while he accepted his admittance of affections he had just sent out to the Swede. Panic rose and fell in tides. First worrying about his own feelings and then imagining that Erik wouldn't want to hear it or that it sounded clingy or strange. Peering at the wine glass in his hand he understood the punks wanting to throw and smash everything. It takes willpower not to chuck the wine glass off the balcony with all of his strength. He set it down on the outside table, still leaning on the rail and scrutinizing the people on the street below. How he wished for and despised the idea that one of the people walking into the hotel lobby below might be the Swedish guitarist who had infested his thoughts all evening.

Current Location: Los Angeles, California
Current Music: Whole Lotta Love -Led Zeppelin

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"All of it. I've seen them in the middle of the night often enough." And it was a madhouse or a whorehouse depending on how you viewed it and how horny all of them were.

Robert was already picking up the plate as he stood up. All he could do is shake his head at the comment. "I call it Erik sounding like a bloody daft fool for thinking a plate is a burden."

Robert starts laughing and picks up the plate and mugs after that kiss. He really didn't mind since it was not much at all. "I've got it."

He was adamant and part of it was definitely related to why he blew a fuse at Joe. He didn't want to be taken care of or seen like an old man. It bothered him fiercely to not feel independent. "Go get comfortable."

"I've been there in the middle of it all when my brother is high on coke, naked and streaking down the corridors at 3am spanking Gilly's naked ass. Crazy does not cover it. But I love him still."

Erik would always love his brother because Hunter was family even if he was a crazy glam bitch at times. Glancing at the older man the Swede just smiled and sighed in defeat. If Robert didn't want help then the guitarist would not burden him. Sliding a hand in Robert's curls, Erik pulled on them gently before letting go.

"Have it your way. I will take a shower now."

Offering a blown kiss, Erik disappeared out of view as he walked into the bathroom and began stripping down, laying his clothes out on a chair whilst he switched on the hot water dial on the shower.

"I've had them all in the back of the limo with the window between broken. I thought Aarne was going to get stuck when he tried to climb through it. Damien did manage to wriggle through to the front. It was like driving a circus around."

Robert started laughing at the things he had seen. That tug on his hair got Erik a playful pat on the backside when he turned to head for the bedroom and shower.

"I always get my way." Robert teased at the blown kiss and took the things in the kitchen to clean them. He then headed to the bedroom hanging up the robe and sliding down into the bed. It felt good to laydown and he sighed. Putting on his glasses to read while he waited for Erik to join him.

"I like it when you get your way. You being authoritative is so hot it gets me going."

Erik offered a grin then went for his shower. Coming back out of the hot jets he dried himself off with a towel then walked into the bedroom naked. His black hair a mess all frizzy and covering his eyes making him look even more the scruff boy he was. Just seeing Robert in bed reading with glasses on got the young Swede smiling fondly. He looked so cute.

"I love your glasses. Do you always use them for reading?"

Getting into the bed next to Robert, Erik snuggled up close, sliding an arm around the Brit's shoulders, sighing in contentment. Just inhaling the man's scent had the guitarist feeling so happy. He rested his head on Robert's soft chest hair and began drawing trails along his skin just above his belly button.

Robert could only laugh quietly at the comment. So may people in his life considered him soft and passive. Hearing someone claim something so opposite was amusing.

The sound of the Swede walking into the room drew his attention away from the book. His eyes lingered over the guitarist's naked body.

"I'm supposed to wear them when reading." He didn't always unless he was going to be reading for a long time. He didn't know how long he would be waiting for the Swede to finish up. He set the book and his glasses on the bedside table when Erik crawled into the bed with him. Robert laid out his arm so he could get it around the Swede and pull him close. He might be a little tired for sex, especially how they seemed to get into marathons, but some cuddling, conversation and even some making out he would happily indulge.

"I'm glad you came." He sighed and pressed a kiss to the top of Erik's head before resting there with him, hand slowly touching along the guitarist's spine. However, if the wandering fingers got too close to Robert's navel there might be squirming and laughing, though where Erik's hands were drifting now was fine.

As they laid there Robert felt his chest fluttering and ripple with tightness. He was falling in love, albeit much slower than the people around him did, but it was there. The spark was starting deep inside. Even with those feelings, or perhaps because of them, there was still a small voice telling him to run from this all.

"I think you looked distinguish?---uh---the word where you are refined and handsome. You might know what I mean."

Erik blushed, not knowing the word he wanted but hopefully Robert would get the idea. The glasses were cute and the Swede thought they suited the Brit well. Laying on Robert's chest, he looked up and smiled. His fingers just gently making little circles on the older man's navel.

"I'm glad I'm here. I couldn't stand the thought of you being left here alone all those hours away on your own."

If there was anywhere he wanted to be right now it was snuggled up with his Brit. Erik kissed Robert's jaw and then nuzzled into his neck, inhaling the man's unique scent. How he loved it. His hand then moving up to delve into those curls as he made a pleased noise in the back of his throat.

"That is one word for it." Robert isn't quite sure how to feel about being called distinguished but it was meant as a compliment so he went along with it. However, as soon as those fingers got too close to his navel or below it, the Brit almost jumped, laughing and grabbing Erik's hand. He's ticklish in only two places and that is one of them.

"I don't mind having time to myself." Robert tells him. "I was expecting my brother to be in a better mood but he's having one of his downturns right now." He understood Rekker and never felt put out by his brother telling him to leave. He worried about him sometimes but there was nothing much to do for Rekker since he didn't want medication and most therapists just wanted to hospitalize him which he also didn't want. It was rough, had always been. Robert sighed and kissed Erik gently.

"Maybe we can go see him tomorrow?"

"Sometimes I want to get the English words out but my tongue just speaks the Swedish. Förnäm means distinguished. That's you, sexy fluffy teddy bear."

Erik giggled and then felt Robert near jump when he tickled around his navel area. Oh? Was the older man ticklish there? It would seem so. The Swede making mental notes of where Robert liked to be touched. The guitarist nodded in understanding and wondered why Robert's brother was having a downturn. It sounded rough.

"Yes, I would like to meet your brother since you have met mine."

Kissing the Brit's jaw softly, Erik then kissed Robert's ear and nuzzled into his hair. The warmth of having the older man next to him felt perfect. How many nights had he slept with his Robert pillow wanting it to be the real man? So many.

"I used to have a pillow and called it Robert back in my room. Silly I know but---it is because I wanted to snuggle you."

"That's why you should teach me." Robert didn't want Erik to struggle especially after watching Vars struggle the same way for so long. It gave the driver more appreciation for being multi-lingual. He knew a couple but none that helped with the Scandinavians around.

"He's a handful." Robert tried to settle down his body after being tickled. "On good days, he's a bit like Rik, withdrawn and quiet but with a bad streak. On his bad days, well he can be downright mean and vicious. It's not his fault so I just accept it. He's been like that since he was born."

Robert felt a lot for his brother and more or less raised him because his parents hadn't really wanted to raise another kid, especially not one with all the problems Rekker had.

"I knew about it." Robert shook his head. "Aarne told me all about it after I found out he was stealing my clothes."

"I will teach you then you won't have to look so confused when I use my language. Although, your face is cute when you screw up your face a little."

Erik pressed a kiss to the corner of Robert's lips and then slid his hand up to slide his fingers into the Brit's chest hair. It felt soft and fuzzy. Just listening about Robert's brother and normal things felt good after the crazy few days he'd spent listening to his brother talk about Gilly and fashion magazines. Those got a bit boring after a while.

"I'd rather be here with you like this than back at the bar listening to my brother talk about fashion magazines. Those are so boring."

The Swede then blushed a little in regards to him knowing about the pillow. Oh. Aarne told him? Was that when he was stealing Robert's clothes and sneaking them back to the Swede to cuddle and inhale? Possibly.

Robert gave Erik a squeeze. "If you didn't flip to Swedish when understanding you was important."

He's teasing about how often the guitarist slips into his native language when they are intimate, when Robert would really like to be able to understand. "Maybe you should start with all those things you say when you're breathless?"

It did feel good to just lay here and be, no sex and no rush, simply being together. Moments like these were what Robert craved the most from a relationship, even if they were cuddling naked and he's realizing how good the Swede feels beside him.

"Did you see a couple days ago when he raided the strip? He had so many he was straining." Or it looked that way. Robert could only shake his head about the number of fashion magazines that man consumed. Each new city or country and Hunter would buy the whole lot. "I don't know that the home and garden magazines I look at are very different."

The thought was amusing enough that Robert laughed quietly while holding the Swede close. He guessed they were partners now, or boyfriends or whatever this was. It was hard denying it when they had both stayed up 5 hours, well into the night, only to see each other. Denial of his feelings was near impossible now.

"Maybe I should. I often say things like sötnos eller det här känns så bra. It means sweetie this feels so good. Sötnos is sweetie. That's you."

Erik brought his hand up to stroke Robert's cheek, enjoying the closeness they were now sharing together. The lust was still there in the Swede but for now he wanted to cuddle and talk with his Brit. This is what he had yearned for in so many weeks since he met Robert.

"He was straining and I laughed. My brother hoards fashion magazines. That and he also hoards his so called "art" magazines. They are really dirty men's magazines."

That got a giggle out of the guitarist who was now pressing little kisses along Robert's arm and then his chest. The five hours travelling to get to the Brit had been totally worth it. Were they now a couple? Boyfriends?

"Does this mean we are Pojkvänner together? Boyfriends? I love you, Robert."

Erik looked up at the older man; a boyish smile forming over his youthful face at that and he found himself blushing. It was cute.

"Sweetie?" That got Robert giggling against the Swede's hair. "How do you say Darling in Swedish?"

That was Robert's go to term of endearment and well.... he couldn't resist what was happening. His heart fluttered at the touch to his cheek. All he could do was pull the guitarist in closer as they laid there together, laughing easily.

"Aarne showed me a couple of his art books."

He pulled Erik up to kiss his lips. Every moment of waiting was worth it as they laid there naked in each other's arms.

"What is Pojkvänner?" He's trying with a new type of language, a Scandinavian one, so his pronunciation might not be perfect especially with the thicker British accent. However, he feels his whole chest thumping with the words Erik was saying. His eyes locked on the blushing cheeks. All he can do is stroke the guitarist's shoulders and find the strength to say what he needs to.

"I don't know what I'm feeling." Robert hugged Erik with his hands in his hair kissing his temple. "But...I want to spend all my spare time with you."

Robert was still nervous about the words I love you but he was feeling it, the slow tug on his heart strings by the guitarist. It felt right to be here and so what if they took time getting to where everyone else was going. "I hope you'll stick around long enough for me to figure it out."

His eyes turn away, driven by the flutter of fear. Robert loved a lot of people but they were friends, in love with someone else, or they left. All that time made him reserved and he needed time to take down all those walls.

"Darling? It is älskling. My brother often uses that word to those he loves close. Gilly gets special words we don't hear."

Erik was pleased that Robert wanted to learn his language and pick up the special words he often used for people he loved. The Brit was everything to him so it warmed his heart that the older man was now learning Swedish. Nuzzling into that warm nest of hair the guitarist sighed and giggled slightly when some of that hair tickled his nose.

"Pojkvänner? It means boyfriends. I was asking if we are boyfriends together. For one we say pojkvän. That is the singular instead of the plural. If that makes sense."

The Swede was trying his best to make it sound clear in English. Hunter was better at speaking English overall but Erik wasn't so bad himself. Erik's fingers gently roaming around in Robert's fuzzy chest hair as he kissed the older man's shoulder. Looking up with his boyish grin he smiled.

"I want to spend all my time with you too, Robert. I always have done since Aarne introduced me to you and we had that limo ride together. Do not worry, sweet one, I will not be going anywhere."

Was the man stuck with his boyish Swede? It would seem so. The idea sent a thrill through the guitarist's being.

"älskling." He tried the word out a couple times until it sounded right. "Darling is a start until I can think of something better."

Robert pressed his cheek into Erik where he was nuzzling into his hair. It felt so good to hold the Swede close. He took a long paused and then hugged the guitarist. "So, pojkvän? You'll have to tell me if I'm pronouncing it right."

Erik was slowly breaking down his worry and nerves because he was stuck on Erik. "I didn't mean to keep you away so long."

He stroked the guitarist, holding him close. His heart was still pounding and he felt his nerves fraying but he wasn't going anywhere. Not now.

"Älskling, yes. Darling. Someone who is close to you like a lover or partner."

Erik licked a line up Robert's neck and then nibbled on the man's earlobe slightly. He couldn't get enough of the Brit's scent and just wanted to nuzzle into Robert's neck and hair. Giggling he pulled back out and nodded.

"Yes, pojkvän. You are pronouncing it correct. Your British accent makes it sound a little off but that's alright. You have a sexy voice so it makes up for it."

Was he talking bullshit? Maybe. Erik just tickled Robert on the chest a little with his fingers and then slid a hand into those lavish curls. Oh, how he loved to touch them. It was almost like an obsession now.

"You didn't keep me away that long. Two days? My brother kept teasing me saying you are my socker pappa."

"Älskling is what I use in English."

Whatever else he might say was lost to a groan from the lick up his chest. His hands roving over the Swede's skin slowly but he could only smile at the giggles and kiss the nuzzling guitarist.

"I'm not even trying." Robert laughed about his voice being sexy. Maybe sometimes he should try to actually sound sexy.

"I meant before that, all those weeks." And if he is truthful with himself there was still some forced distance. "Pappa? Your daddy?"

Robert only shook his head and laughed even more.

"I was the same. Lying awake at night in my bed, tossing and turning just wanting you there by my side as I slept. Being along in my bed was boring. I couldn't help but think about you in the limo driving and that hair of yours."

Erik blushed and didn't know what else to say on that. He was so in love it showed so much. At the words the guitarist looked up with one of his boyish smiles through his messy black hair.

"It means sugar daddy. I don't quite know what that means. Sweet daddy like sugar I suppose. You are sweet so---that makes sense?"

The guitarist wasn't quite sure about the whole sugar thing.

"I didn't want you in my bed." Robert admitted. "I spent time hoping you would leave me alone."

He didn't want to tell Erik those things but he also wanted to be honest with him. There was no sense in being dishonest if they were planning on continuing down this path. His own dark thoughts are drown out the moment he starts laughing.

"Sugar daddy?" Robert started falling into laughter that scrunched up his eyes. "That's not what what sugar daddy means."

Erik just looked up at Robert and swallowed thickly at that but didn't let the negative thoughts distract him. Instead, he pecked a kiss to Robert's lips and then tugged at a curl in his hair softly.

"I wasn't going to give up on you no matter what. You were my blind date and I wanted you. My dreams and daydreams filled with you."

The Swede just rested his head on the Brit's chest, listening to Robert's heartbeat. That felt good. Erik's hands just gently sliding down his lover's thighs softly, glad that Robert didn't run after all that.

"What does sugar daddy mean?"

"I don't normally like someone this stubborn but for once I'm glad you're a stubborn Swede."

He brought his hand up to the back of Erik's head, stroking his hair. This felt good, especially the hand drifting up his thigh.

"Well..." Robert laughs and gave him a kiss. "It's a older man, usually wealthy, that buys gifts for someone younger, usually a woman, in exchange for sex... or the younger one uses sex with the older one to get gifts and money."

He shook his head again. "I'm not buying you with gifts that I know of."

"I can be more stubborn than Hunter at times. But in a good way."

Erik giggled softly and sighed at the stroking of his hair. That felt nice. He just wanted to feel the older man's hands all over his body. Was it a fantasy he'd had? Oh yes. The explanation had the Swede staring for a moment before laughing softly. Oh. So, that's what it meant. No wonder Hunter had been giggling and poking fun.

"Exchange for sex? I am not your escort, Robert. I'm much too classy for that. Nor am I a spoiled brat wanting gifts from you---except your mouth, hair, body and cock. Those are nice gifts."

The Swede now giggling even harder.

"I've spent my life with the good kind of stubborn." Robert laughed right along with Erik. "Tom's my best friend, like a brother since we were little kids."

He might have thought more about that comment if it wasn't for the sigh from Erik and the hand still on his thigh. He felt a flutter of arousal but it fades to another sigh but this one is exasperated.

"I..." Robert held on to Erik looking for the words. "I wish you'd just say I'm a gift instead of... I don't know.. just pointing out my body parts." This was important to Robert and how he thought about their relationship. Robert brushed Erik's wild hair back with his finger tips. The words weren't coming easily for him and he has to let out a few big breaths.

"I think you're attractive and the sex is amazing but that's not what I'm falling in love with, it's not what has made me love anyone." He's trying to explain himself and and why it bothered him or even hurt a little when that kept coming up as the focus. "I'm trying to adjust to your connection to physicality, but...." Robert pressed a kiss to Erik's forehead. "For me it's all the things you can't see. Your laugh, how you touch my hair." Robert started laughing and gave Erik a squeeze. "That you're a bloody crazy bastard who will ride a taxi half way across a state in the middle of the night to be with me."

Erik's smile faded a little when he heard Robert speak. Through all the sex, lust and want of the man's body the Swede craved the older man's heart just as much as anything. Maybe he wasn't explaining himself enough or using words Robert understood. Sighing deeply whilst making little circles around the Brit's belly button with his fingers, Erik spoke up softly;

"I did not mean that your body is all I want. It is not. I am in love with you, Robert. Your heart is what I crave the most because I have sketched you in my book. Many hours I've spent alone in my room imagining you with a smile on your face. Your hair waving in the wind and seeing your eyes light up. I don't draw anyone. Only those who are special to me."

He pressed a few light kisses along his lover's jaw before speaking once more;

"My words come out wrong sometimes. I love that you think of these things about me; my hair, eyes and how I laugh. You are a beautiful and loving man, Robert. Also yes I am a bloody crazy bastard. My whole body aches for you and my stomach flips into my mouth at the very sight of you."

That got a giggle out of the Swede who now nuzzled into Robert's neck, enjoying the scent of the man.

"Stop that." Robert snapped, grabbing Erik's hand and shoving it away from his navel. The tickling making him irate while he's trying to be serious. Robert sighed heavily because he didn't really understand his own feelings but he did take Erik's hand he had just shoved away and laced their fingers together.

"Erik, your words are fine." He looked down at their hands together and felt tight in the chest from the kisses to his jaw and the electric feeling from his emotions. "I ...I guess I wish you'd say these things to me more often."

He stroked Erik's fingers thoughtfully while looking for the right words and it took a long, quiet moment for him to find them. "I wan... no, I need to hear more about the non-physical things that you're attracted to." He finally looked into Erik's eyes and forced a brief smile.

"How about you learn to do that and I remember to complement you physically, since that sounds like what's causing this to happen?" Robert let go of Erik's hands to touch his lips. "I should tell you that your lips feel so good on mine that I get weak in the knees to the point I feel like a teenage boy."

Robert is trying, and way outside of his comfort zone, but if it's just a small change in how they talk to each other, remembering that they need to compliment the whole person, Robert forgot those physical compliments sometimes, then it was worth it. A small thing to change for both of them to be happy.