thisisgroundcontrol | I've Been Yearning

[Not completely SFW]

Robert couldn't break his thoughts as he sat in his room alone staring out the window. The hotel was quiet. Tom had taken the bands to their concerts in the limo because Robert needed time to think. That was two days ago and they were all away in San Francisco. The excuse had been to spend time with Rekker who, like Robert, didn't want company right now. His mind was a whirlwind of conflicting thoughts. Some raised terror and panic in his chest until he couldn't breath from the crushing weight. Others were taking h is breath for different reasons and raced like electricity through his whole body, tingling in all the right places. He had a glass of wine in hand with the stem pressing into his thigh as he rhythmically tapped the side with a finger. He felt aggitated and nothing was settling him down.

He looked to the time on the clock and then the door and back to the clock with a heavy sigh. He wanted them to comeback and wanted them to stay away indefinitely. Bloody hell it was madness. He emptied the wine glass in one gulp and thought about refilling it but that would mean a trip to the kitchenette. He was too anxious to stand up and do anything. Too anxious to sit still, too, though he remained rooted in the chair.

The sun was going down and the lights coming on in the city. It filled his mind with memories that sent shivers down his spine, calloused hands working the tension out of his back and hips rocking against his waist. The morning waking to warm touch and need for someone he'd spent weeks trying to hold at arms length. Robert stood to get another glass of wine, wondering what the hell he was doing with a man half his age? He took the wine out of the refridgerator and even it had memories attached to it. He set the bottle down on the counter to stare at it. Sighing he picked it up and poured a glass before returning it to the rack. Rubbing his face, he pushed his fingers through his curls, working them through his tangled hair before picking up the glass.

Half way across the room there were voices in the hall, muffled, that sent such strong shivers through his body that his hand trembled. The wine glass nearly went to the floor as he listened to them move past his door and down the hall. He felt jumpy inside as he sat down on the couch again. He could smell Erik in the furniture and in his bed. No amount of room service had been capable of removing it completely and it hung around him causing his breath to refuse normalcy.

He was dreaming about him, or rather day dreaming about the fingers in his hair, pulling purred sounds from him as they worked the tension out of his scalp. Erik was under his skin and Robert didn't like it. It was too fast, too much for his unsorted thoughts and feelings. And he was addicted. Robert had fought actual addiction to pills and booze and all that came with it that left your head swimming and unable to focus on anything else. This felt the same and he wanted to chase the high. The high that let him forget his anxiety and depression. He forgot everything but the feeling of their skin and their bodies the moment Erik touched him, even when it wasn't sexual.

Sipping the wine he saw his phone on the table. It let his mind run away with fantasies. Maybe he could call. Erik wasn't playing, just hanging around. He could send a cab and get him back here in five hours. That got a sigh because that was too long to even consider. They could be kissing faster if he took Tom's car and picked him up at the venue. Robert gasped aloud and then pressed his forehead into his hand to try and avoid the fantasies that crashed in on him after imagining how he could get the young guitarist back here, back in his presence. Hands in his hair, the weight in his lap, and the lips across his collar bones. He set the glass aside and let his hand drift to the inside of his thigh, across the tight fabric of his pants. Thoughts jumped to the morning in the kitchenette with the Swede pressed to his back, reaching around with his fingers delving low.

He still held his head against the madness like a migraine that wouldn't quit, the thoughts permiated his mind, drove his hand to stroke his manhood roughly through his jeans. His mind went wild with thoughts of Erik in his lap, stradling him and grinding down on his body. His hand pressing harder to his body to try and recreate the feeling of that weight and lewd humping. Everything responded to those thoughts immediately; breath quickening and cock hard, ready for someone who wasn't even in the same city right now. The Brit could only laugh as he remembered being a teenage boy with feelings like these. Years had passed since he felt anything even close to this sensation.

There was no stopping the desire to roughly rub himself and push his hips into his hands, both now shoved between his spread legs as he sat on the couch. He wanted the Swede so bad he froze and sat up, flushed red in the cheeks and across his chest. Nothing was filling in for the young man and at the same time the emotions rushed back of feeling like he was robbing the cradle. Erik was old enough to be in a relationship but the age difference hit hard. He'd pay to have the young man here.

At those thoughts he gave up. Grabbing his phone he was intent on sending a text to Erik but what to say. He kept typing and erasing things that felt foolishly desperate. After more tries than he cared to count Robert dropped the phone on the couch beside him and picked up his wine glass, quickly sipping down the whole glass. His fingers drumming wildly on the arm of the couch. The questioning of his own behavior came back tenfold. What was he doing obsessing over a young rockstar? The driver laughed at himself as he thought maybe this is what a teenage girl felt like in the crowd. All wound up and nothing to do, questioning themselves about what they felt at every turn. He glanced at his phone wondering what a teenage girl would text their rockstar infatuated crush if they could. The only possible response to his train of thought was laughter so intense his cheeks burned. This was beyond crazy.

Giggling fit undercontrol and wine glass drained, he set the stemware on the table and picked the phone back up. It was still open to the messanger, cursor flashing impatiently as he stared. He pushed his curls back, holding them out of the way while his eyes glazed over and focused again. All the messages before were innocuous. Asks for rides or if he'd seen someone or another, questions about concert times. Robert carried the phone and the glass back to the kitchenette, gawking at the screen the whole way and all through pouring another glass of wine. He turned to lean on the counter; wine in one hand and phone in the other. He sipped more wine and could feel the heat from getting drunk. It drew his gaze to the bottle to see he had nearly emptied it in the past hour, maybe less. Sighing he set his glass down and wiped his damp hand on his pant leg before trying to type. His fingers hesitated and then he typed, hitting send before he had time to second guess himself. The message wasn't lewd or demanding. It was simple and honest.

I miss you.

Robert shoved the phone in his back pocket then walked out to open the balcony door. He stepped out with his wine glass while watching the the cars and city on the move but his whole presence was tense, waiting for the buzz of some response. His heart was racing, pounding painfully, while he accepted his admittance of affections he had just sent out to the Swede. Panic rose and fell in tides. First worrying about his own feelings and then imagining that Erik wouldn't want to hear it or that it sounded clingy or strange. Peering at the wine glass in his hand he understood the punks wanting to throw and smash everything. It takes willpower not to chuck the wine glass off the balcony with all of his strength. He set it down on the outside table, still leaning on the rail and scrutinizing the people on the street below. How he wished for and despised the idea that one of the people walking into the hotel lobby below might be the Swedish guitarist who had infested his thoughts all evening.

Current Location: Los Angeles, California
Current Music: Whole Lotta Love -Led Zeppelin

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'll make something. The door will be unlocked when you get here.

And with that, Robert took his wine off to the kitchen, tied up his robe and hair, then set about cooking for the Swede.

Thank you, Robert. This is thoughtful of you.

Most of the coke had worn off by now and the booze wasn't as rampant in the young Swede's body as it had been before. Five hours had flown by and now all he wanted to do was eat and see his fluffy Brit teddy bear. The taxi soon stopped outside of the hotel as Erik set about writing out the cheque to the driver, handing it to him and then waving as the can drove off into the night. $1500 well spent.

I'm at the hotel now. See you in a bit.

A short flight up the stairs and Erik was at Robert's room. He nearly knocked but remembered the door was unlocked so pushed it open and then stood in the room with his hands jammed into his well-fitted jeans.

Edited Date: 2021-08-31 08:10 pm (UTC)

Robert was just finishing up in the kitchen when Erik showed up, plating out pasta with loads of veggies and a cheese and tomato sauce. A good meal for someone who had been drinking for a long time. The smile that comes when he hears the door is huge. Even Robert is caught off guard by how happy he is to have the Swede back.

"I'm in the kitchen." He calls when he heard the footsteps stop in the main room. He's got fresh bread for his lover and is now pouring himself more tea, done with the wine for the night.

Walking into the kitchen, Erik spotted Robert wearing a robe and found himself staring and admiring the Brit. How he had missed him over the last few days. Had it really been that long since they'd been together? It had felt like an eternity for the Swede who had been wanting the older man to warm his bed and make him feel all fluttery inside.

"Oh, that smells good! Pasta? I am so hungry. It is so late but my stomach is complaining. Do you need me to help you take some things out?"

Erik wanted to help because it was late and he wanted to help the man who had gone to all this trouble to cook so late at night.

Robert gave him a one armed hug and a kiss on the cheek. He could play it off however he wanted and try to convince himself otherwise but he was getting hooked on the Swede. He offered Erik the plate and shook his head.

"I already ate. Go sit and I'll be in as soon as I clean up." He was sort of shooing him out but playfully. He wanted Erik to go relax and eat. The couple of dishes and wiping the counter wouldn't take long at all.

The one armed hug and kiss on the cheek felt good as Erik offered one back to Robert's own cheek before he was being shooed out of the kitchen. This part reminded him of when Hunter was busy cooking in his frilly leopard print apron shooing his brother out of the kitchen for being in the way. It was cute that Robert was this way inclined too.

"Alright. Chef Robert."

Erik winked at his lover and went to sit at the table, grateful that he was finally going to eat something after so many hours without food. His stomach made a grumbling noise and he stifled a giggle at that. Was it loud? Probably.

"Chef?" Robert laughed as he turned to take care of the dishes, speaking loud so that Erik could hear. "I thought I was a secret agent."

It doesn't take long before Robert comes in to join Erik at the table with a pot of tea and an extra mug if Erik wants some.

"You can be a secret agent disguised as a chef?"

Erik was often a boyish dork and even Hunter knew that. But it was cute and now the hungry Swede was stuffing his face with food, famished. He nodded as he looked up with a mouthful of pasta and swallowed.

"This is so good. I love it. You really are a good cook, Robert."

Taking the mug with thanks, Erik took a few big gulps then went back to eating. Goodness, he was hungry!

"There's an American movie like that where the chef turns out to be a navy seal."

Robert had watched a few movies with Ziggy who ate up human culture but he didn't remember it exactly.

Robert reached over and ruffled up Erik's hair laughing. "Should I have made more?"

He was used to the big appetite. Robert ate rather moderately most of the time but Erik was younger.

"There is? I have not seen it, sötnos. This food is so good---"

Erik continued piling big forkfuls into his mouth and humming in pleasure at the food. So good. The hair ruffling got him giggling after he swallowed his mouthful. It made him blush under his messy mop of black hair.

"Do not worry, I will still be hungry for dessert after this."

The Swede licked his lips and shot a suggestive wink to Robert as he then went back to eating.

"I'll make you into a vegetarian eventually." Robert laughed but it wasn't serious. He didn't care what Erik ate and would even cook things for him that Robert wouldn't eat.

He shook his head while sipping his tea. "You might have to wait until morning for that dessert. It's late and I've been drinking all day."

Not that he was going to mention that loneliness had caused the drinking to start. Still sipping his tea he reached over with his free hand to stroke Erik's forearm. The closeness was the addictive part, sex was just a part of that, but what Robert really missed when the Swede was gone was touch.

"I do like my meat but I am open to eat what you make for me. I'm not fussy."

Erik was serious about this. If Robert wanted to be a vegetarian then the Swede respected that and would eat with his lover whatever it might be. He just didn't want to cause any issues because of their food choices. Swallowing another mouthful, Erik nodded.

"I understand. Then, I shall look forward to a morning dessert then."

He smiled cheekily and then finished what was on his plate, totally full up. That had been so good. The stroking to his arm got the Swede reaching over the table to stroke at Robert's jaw. Just the simple touch got the guitarist's heart hammering fast inside of his chest. It seemed he craved the Brit's touch almost like needing air to breathe. He was so in love.

"I can cook it for you but I don't have any on hand."

Robert still stayed on his own and only thought to buy what he would eat, which meant meatless.

"You look tired, too." The Swede looked drained and no doubt that was because of the bands being wild. "I can clean up if you want to get a shower and lay down."

Robert could relax and if he's honest would probably fall asleep rather quickly if they didn't stay up talking until the early hours of the morning.

"Do not worry. I am sure I can find food for both of us to eat. As for tired? A little. No doubt my brother and his band mates are in full swing back at the bar drunk, high or probably fucking. Maybe all of it!"

Erik laughed getting up from the table and stretching a little. His stomach full of food now making him that little bit more drowsy due to having eaten such a good meal. Still, the Swede was young and had stayed up for days on end before.

"Let me help you clear up. I do not wish to be a burden on you like a piece of rubbish. Or a flat tyre. How do you call it?"

The guitarist was a little confused since he was trying to say the meaning in English but it might have come out wrong. Either way, he wanted to help Robert since this was his kitchen and Erik was his lover. Slipping a hand in the older man's, he squeezed it softly and pressed a kiss to the Brit's cheek.

"All of it. I've seen them in the middle of the night often enough." And it was a madhouse or a whorehouse depending on how you viewed it and how horny all of them were.

Robert was already picking up the plate as he stood up. All he could do is shake his head at the comment. "I call it Erik sounding like a bloody daft fool for thinking a plate is a burden."

Robert starts laughing and picks up the plate and mugs after that kiss. He really didn't mind since it was not much at all. "I've got it."

He was adamant and part of it was definitely related to why he blew a fuse at Joe. He didn't want to be taken care of or seen like an old man. It bothered him fiercely to not feel independent. "Go get comfortable."

"I've been there in the middle of it all when my brother is high on coke, naked and streaking down the corridors at 3am spanking Gilly's naked ass. Crazy does not cover it. But I love him still."

Erik would always love his brother because Hunter was family even if he was a crazy glam bitch at times. Glancing at the older man the Swede just smiled and sighed in defeat. If Robert didn't want help then the guitarist would not burden him. Sliding a hand in Robert's curls, Erik pulled on them gently before letting go.

"Have it your way. I will take a shower now."

Offering a blown kiss, Erik disappeared out of view as he walked into the bathroom and began stripping down, laying his clothes out on a chair whilst he switched on the hot water dial on the shower.

"I've had them all in the back of the limo with the window between broken. I thought Aarne was going to get stuck when he tried to climb through it. Damien did manage to wriggle through to the front. It was like driving a circus around."

Robert started laughing at the things he had seen. That tug on his hair got Erik a playful pat on the backside when he turned to head for the bedroom and shower.

"I always get my way." Robert teased at the blown kiss and took the things in the kitchen to clean them. He then headed to the bedroom hanging up the robe and sliding down into the bed. It felt good to laydown and he sighed. Putting on his glasses to read while he waited for Erik to join him.

"I like it when you get your way. You being authoritative is so hot it gets me going."

Erik offered a grin then went for his shower. Coming back out of the hot jets he dried himself off with a towel then walked into the bedroom naked. His black hair a mess all frizzy and covering his eyes making him look even more the scruff boy he was. Just seeing Robert in bed reading with glasses on got the young Swede smiling fondly. He looked so cute.

"I love your glasses. Do you always use them for reading?"

Getting into the bed next to Robert, Erik snuggled up close, sliding an arm around the Brit's shoulders, sighing in contentment. Just inhaling the man's scent had the guitarist feeling so happy. He rested his head on Robert's soft chest hair and began drawing trails along his skin just above his belly button.

Robert could only laugh quietly at the comment. So may people in his life considered him soft and passive. Hearing someone claim something so opposite was amusing.

The sound of the Swede walking into the room drew his attention away from the book. His eyes lingered over the guitarist's naked body.

"I'm supposed to wear them when reading." He didn't always unless he was going to be reading for a long time. He didn't know how long he would be waiting for the Swede to finish up. He set the book and his glasses on the bedside table when Erik crawled into the bed with him. Robert laid out his arm so he could get it around the Swede and pull him close. He might be a little tired for sex, especially how they seemed to get into marathons, but some cuddling, conversation and even some making out he would happily indulge.

"I'm glad you came." He sighed and pressed a kiss to the top of Erik's head before resting there with him, hand slowly touching along the guitarist's spine. However, if the wandering fingers got too close to Robert's navel there might be squirming and laughing, though where Erik's hands were drifting now was fine.

As they laid there Robert felt his chest fluttering and ripple with tightness. He was falling in love, albeit much slower than the people around him did, but it was there. The spark was starting deep inside. Even with those feelings, or perhaps because of them, there was still a small voice telling him to run from this all.

"I think you looked distinguish?---uh---the word where you are refined and handsome. You might know what I mean."

Erik blushed, not knowing the word he wanted but hopefully Robert would get the idea. The glasses were cute and the Swede thought they suited the Brit well. Laying on Robert's chest, he looked up and smiled. His fingers just gently making little circles on the older man's navel.

"I'm glad I'm here. I couldn't stand the thought of you being left here alone all those hours away on your own."

If there was anywhere he wanted to be right now it was snuggled up with his Brit. Erik kissed Robert's jaw and then nuzzled into his neck, inhaling the man's unique scent. How he loved it. His hand then moving up to delve into those curls as he made a pleased noise in the back of his throat.

"That is one word for it." Robert isn't quite sure how to feel about being called distinguished but it was meant as a compliment so he went along with it. However, as soon as those fingers got too close to his navel or below it, the Brit almost jumped, laughing and grabbing Erik's hand. He's ticklish in only two places and that is one of them.

"I don't mind having time to myself." Robert tells him. "I was expecting my brother to be in a better mood but he's having one of his downturns right now." He understood Rekker and never felt put out by his brother telling him to leave. He worried about him sometimes but there was nothing much to do for Rekker since he didn't want medication and most therapists just wanted to hospitalize him which he also didn't want. It was rough, had always been. Robert sighed and kissed Erik gently.

"Maybe we can go see him tomorrow?"

"Sometimes I want to get the English words out but my tongue just speaks the Swedish. Förnäm means distinguished. That's you, sexy fluffy teddy bear."

Erik giggled and then felt Robert near jump when he tickled around his navel area. Oh? Was the older man ticklish there? It would seem so. The Swede making mental notes of where Robert liked to be touched. The guitarist nodded in understanding and wondered why Robert's brother was having a downturn. It sounded rough.

"Yes, I would like to meet your brother since you have met mine."

Kissing the Brit's jaw softly, Erik then kissed Robert's ear and nuzzled into his hair. The warmth of having the older man next to him felt perfect. How many nights had he slept with his Robert pillow wanting it to be the real man? So many.

"I used to have a pillow and called it Robert back in my room. Silly I know but---it is because I wanted to snuggle you."

"That's why you should teach me." Robert didn't want Erik to struggle especially after watching Vars struggle the same way for so long. It gave the driver more appreciation for being multi-lingual. He knew a couple but none that helped with the Scandinavians around.

"He's a handful." Robert tried to settle down his body after being tickled. "On good days, he's a bit like Rik, withdrawn and quiet but with a bad streak. On his bad days, well he can be downright mean and vicious. It's not his fault so I just accept it. He's been like that since he was born."

Robert felt a lot for his brother and more or less raised him because his parents hadn't really wanted to raise another kid, especially not one with all the problems Rekker had.

"I knew about it." Robert shook his head. "Aarne told me all about it after I found out he was stealing my clothes."

"I will teach you then you won't have to look so confused when I use my language. Although, your face is cute when you screw up your face a little."

Erik pressed a kiss to the corner of Robert's lips and then slid his hand up to slide his fingers into the Brit's chest hair. It felt soft and fuzzy. Just listening about Robert's brother and normal things felt good after the crazy few days he'd spent listening to his brother talk about Gilly and fashion magazines. Those got a bit boring after a while.

"I'd rather be here with you like this than back at the bar listening to my brother talk about fashion magazines. Those are so boring."

The Swede then blushed a little in regards to him knowing about the pillow. Oh. Aarne told him? Was that when he was stealing Robert's clothes and sneaking them back to the Swede to cuddle and inhale? Possibly.

Robert gave Erik a squeeze. "If you didn't flip to Swedish when understanding you was important."

He's teasing about how often the guitarist slips into his native language when they are intimate, when Robert would really like to be able to understand. "Maybe you should start with all those things you say when you're breathless?"

It did feel good to just lay here and be, no sex and no rush, simply being together. Moments like these were what Robert craved the most from a relationship, even if they were cuddling naked and he's realizing how good the Swede feels beside him.

"Did you see a couple days ago when he raided the strip? He had so many he was straining." Or it looked that way. Robert could only shake his head about the number of fashion magazines that man consumed. Each new city or country and Hunter would buy the whole lot. "I don't know that the home and garden magazines I look at are very different."

The thought was amusing enough that Robert laughed quietly while holding the Swede close. He guessed they were partners now, or boyfriends or whatever this was. It was hard denying it when they had both stayed up 5 hours, well into the night, only to see each other. Denial of his feelings was near impossible now.